Because in life not everything has to be about polite manners and responding in good ways, with this repertoire of sarcastic phrases you can give the appropriate responses to always come out like a boss, although it might not win you the sympathies of those who receive such charming compliments.
Short Sarcastic Phrases
Take note if you want to leave others with no possible comeback.
1. Do you have something against silence?
A not-so-subtle way of saying it's better to stay quiet.
2. The day you die they'll declare it a national holiday
We promise not to remember you if that happens.
3. Talk to the hand
Just as the good Ali G and even T-800 taught us, this gesture is the most polite we can make when we're not interested in what we're being told.
hablale a la mano que tengo las orejas sucias que te cagas @PabloPeterman
4. Are you applying for supreme idiot?
There are those who concentrate so much idiocy together that it makes us think they might be studying how to be even more so.
5. Do something productive. Stop being yourself
For the sake of those around us, do us this small favor.
6. ACHOO! Sorry, I'm allergic to nonsense
Unlike the times of colds and flu, which concentrate especially during the winter months, the nonsense season can affect many people for years; so it's better to be prepared with a good dose of sarcasm.
7. It's a pleasure that you stop talking to me
One should never lose manners, even when sending someone to hell.
8. You're not pretty enough to be that stupid
Nothing like a good dose of reality to bring down the ego of someone who is too full of themselves, whether man or woman.
9. Speaking of useless things, how about (insert name)?
Let it not be said that we don't remember even our worst enemies.
10. I respect your crappy tastes
That is, always with respect.
siempre con cariño y respeto
Sarcastic and Ironic Phrases
Take cover, the daggers are raining:
11. One day it will become fashionable to be an idiot and some won't know what to do with so much fame
The posturing on social media has given undeserved fame to anyone.
12. Remind me where you buy your clothes, I say so I never go
Not even with your money would I wear that!
13. You're a role model of what not to do
Look on the bright side, at least you'll be an example of something.
14. Single people should pay more taxes. It's not fair that some men are happier than others
Oscar Wilde never had any qualms about dedicating several phrases against marriage and other social conventions.
15. If aliens are looking for intelligent life, don't worry, because they won't come to Earth
This news leaves a bittersweet taste if we stop to think a little about what it implies.
16. The human being is extraordinary, their stupidity and unconsciousness never cease to amaze me
It takes merit for our species to surpass itself in this regard.
17. With friends like you, it's better not to have anyone
Unfortunately, there are times when it's better to be alone because those we have around us harm us more than anything else.
18. Raise your voice as much as you want, you're not right
A raised tone of voice, fervor, or tears don't give reason to those who believe they have it.
19. I hope you at least get a government allowance for saying so many stupid things
At least let the effort be worth it, right?
20. There are two infinite things: the Universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the Universe
Personalities like Albert Einstein never had any qualms about pronouncing some of the most memorable quotes about the eternal human idiocy.
21. I had more space when I was in my mother's womb than sharing a bed with you
Sleeping as a couple has its advantages, there's no doubt about that. But when the magic turns into a fierce struggle not to uncover ourselves, things change.
22. The worst thing someone can tell you is to be yourself
So much saying that what you have to do is the opposite... It's over!
23. I like bulls, I've always liked them. What I don't like are the cavemen who enjoy torturing them to death
A biting critique of bullfighting enthusiasts who hypocritically claim to respect and revere the bull.
24. When I see you, I think it's a shame to waste so much breathed oxygen
If you're going to consume oxygen, at least let it be for something useful, please.
25. Never waste an opportunity to shut up
Savor the moment when it happens and try to perpetuate it as much as you can.
20 funny sarcastic phrases
Because without humor we are nothing, here are many other genius ideas full of irony.
26. The hangover passes the next day, unlike your face
Harsh statements in case one day they say we've drunk too much.
27. Medicine is still looking for a cure for your stupidity
Don't worry, they're getting closer.
28. Life is a sexually transmitted disease
Seeing the rate at which the world population grows and resources are depleted, it's a more than fair and deserved comparison.
29. Congratulations on the wedding, the sooner you get married, the sooner you'll get divorced
At least wait until the reception is over to drop this pearl.
30. I've seen amoebas with a more interesting life than yours
Let it not be said that our phrases aren't, at least, creative.
31. I'll write it down right now on the list of things I don't give a damn about
At least have the decency to take note.
32. I was wondering what that stale smell was, then I realized you were here
Don't forget the importance of good hygiene to prevent these things from happening.
33. Do you want to do something useful in your life? Don't reproduce
A call we take the opportunity to make from here to the general public, considering what we've commented above.
34. You have enough intelligence not to crap yourself
Don't ask for pears from an elm tree.
35. I'd say that hairstyle suits you, but I'm not good at lying
Sincerity above all.
36. There has never been a child so adorable that the mother doesn't want to put to sleep
Especially when they don't stop screaming in public places and the dear parents decide that we too must bear their daily suffering.
37. Experience is like a comb they give you just when you go bald
Expressions and sayings like "experience is a degree" are better if transformed into sarcastic phrases full of wit.
38. Your intelligence is inversely proportional to your number of followers
The epidemic of social media followers and the search for "hearts" or "thumbs up" brings with it serious side effects.
39. Before meeting with you again, I'd rather stick bamboo splinters under my nails
I don't know if that's clear enough...
40. What's that sharp and piercing sound hammering my head? Oh, it's your voice
Does anyone have an aspirin, please?
41. I like you when you're quiet because you're like absent
The famous poem by Pablo Neruda contains a verse that represents one of the greatest funny phrases of the last century.
42. I usually think people are smart but with you I'll make an exception
Not everyone earns the right to the benefit of the doubt.
43. I've had toothaches more pleasant than your company
Unfortunately, there's no anesthesia that calms such torment.
44. I'd rather watch the 'Twilight' saga infinitely on loop until I die if it means losing sight of you
That's a lot of desire to lose sight of someone, really.
45. I can't believe you were the fastest sperm
Listening to more than one person talk, neither can I.
10 Sarcastic Love Phrases
As it couldn't be otherwise, there are also sharp comments and responses for love, disappointments, and betrayals.
46. The phrase 'Home sweet home' was written by a single man
Let's not be cruel, maybe it was a single woman who did it...
47. Do you know why you don't appear in the dictionary? Because you mean nothing
This jab is finished off, as they say in English, with a "drop the mic!"
48. The best thing that happened to me in life was forgetting you
Thanks for nothing.
49. He doesn't lower the toilet seat and he's going to bring down the moon
Surely you know a few people who still believe in the prince charming who rides on his white steed. To them, dedicate with love some of these words.
50. Men cheat more than women; women, better
The singer-songwriter Joaquín Sabina has never held back his tongue to express his most personal thoughts about human nature.
51. You're not my type, I don't usually like single men
What a shame, keep paying for Fantas.
52. If you were really a princess, you wouldn't be on your knees so much
How much damage Disney has done!
53. I had a great time last night. Thanks for leaving before coming up to the house
The perfect ending for a failed date, to make it clear that the best thing that could have happened to us is not having to share our bed. Who should we thank: God, Buddha, the stars...?
54. I'm not sure if you want a partner or a dog
They may be cruel, go with bad intentions, and even offend, but at least our sarcastic and love (or heartbreak, depending on how you look at it) phrases serve to open the eyes of those who aren't clear about what they want.
55. Yes, there are plenty of fish in the sea, the problem is there's no bait here
Sorry, but not even a famished shark would approach you...